I’m Not Sure How It Happened But…

…suddenly one day…a glimmer of hope appeared. Well, it didn’t exactly appear…not like a star in the sky…or an old friend showing up at your door. It was much more subtle than that. It was so obscure that I didn’t even know how it got there…didn’t even hear it sneaking up…was’t sure who invited it…but I blinked…and there it was. And it just sat there…looking back at me like “what? you thought I’d never come?” I never thought it would come. Hope, that is. I had no idea why he would…what on earth had I done to make him think I wanted him? To make him think I’d be good company to keep? He had no idea. Or maybe he did.

So while I felt bad for him…I was ever so thankful to see him. A smile crept across my face…I actually giggled. How nice. A little weight was lifted. I guess there wasn’t enough room for one more houseguest…so my little friend Despair took a vacation. I sat with Hope for awhile…not speaking. As pleasant as he was, I didn’t trust him. I didn’t even trust myself that Hope was really here…must be another delusion. But I leaned in…looked him staight in the eye…and he didn’t flinch. I guess he was honest after all.

I chatted with him for awhile…it was a pleasure getting to know him. We talked about simple things…children, spouses, life and love. We talked about the future and shared some of our dreams…he dreamt big…making a difference, impacting lives. I dreamt of smaller but equally important things…easing the pain…speaking softly..listening more. His “future” was old age and relaxing. My “future” was tomorrow and surviving to see another day.

I thanked him for visiting. It was so nice to see beyond the moment..even if it was just tomorrow. Tomorrow seemed so far away. But I could see myself there. Living tomorrow…and learning how to live kinder…appreciate more…and forgive.

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~ by imasurvivor2013 on April 28, 2013.

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