Recovery Step 8 – Hope

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We all need hope. At my darkest hour I had absolutely none. Even as I was starting to crawl out of my deepest hole of depression, I still had no hope. I was merely surviving as best I could, but I had resigned to being miserable for the rest of my life…and I was hoping that life wouldn't be long. I was pathetic and apathetic…totally vacant and at the whim of my dark moods.

I knew I needed help. I guess even realizing I needed help must have meant I had a little hope…if I was willing to try to hold on for something…what that was I didn't know. I think I wanted to make things right…for my husband and my children.

I went to doctors and finally got the right diagnosis and the right meds. Slowly…very slowly…I began to have a glimmer of hope that maybe…just maybe…things could get better…I could get better…I could heal from the trauma of my mental illness and all of the fallout from it.

I still have hope…but it is fleeting…most days I am hopeful I will survive and I will learn lessons…but I am not usually hopeful that I will be able to change enough to stop hurting myself and others. I want to though…and for today that will have to be good enough.

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~ by imasurvivor2013 on April 28, 2013.

2 Responses to “Recovery Step 8 – Hope”

  1. Great song! I think everyone needs to hold on each day, whatever our struggles are. I have a friend who’s going through some really serious stuff, but nobody would know it by the way he acts. Just one day at a time ..

    • Having Hope is a wonderful thing, no matter how small it is…it’s just enough to “hold on” as you say. I’m waiting for the time when most days will be full of bright hope and contentment and “holding on” will be saved for rare, desperate moments. I have hope that day will come 🙂

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